Mistrust was one hot topic that arose out of an article that appeared in South China Morning Post. I disapproved of what was written inside but thought it may be interesting to look at some areas where trust differs from each other.
Some say trust is a human capacity to rely, to depend, purely emotional, happened only in the unconscious.
This is what I have discovered : Trust essentially means exposing ones vulnerability but not expecting it to be violated. How silly can this be? But we all do silly things sometimes don't we?... and people started asking : "Why you so emotional?"
THE INTRIGUING TRUST IN MARRIAGE
One day my mobile rang. "Hello!" , no reply but I heard the voice of my friend's wife shouting at him " I don't trust you. You lied to me". It's not right that I should listen on, but what I already heard had form a damaging impression. I am happy to say that the story didn't end with a divorce as years past, but it left me wondering what kept them together.
Most of the time the union of marriage can outlast the smothering flame of romance; maybe hoping for the flame to reignite, maybe for other practical reasons, or maybe for the sanctity of trust. Maybe God or religion have a part to play in this over a simple vow to stick together for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part. Whatever, marriage is never an eternal fairy tale for two persons. Facing up to many things couples thought were agreeable but only to realize that they are all negotiable and may take a lifetime to come to term.
Still trust must be at the centre of two persons who who sleep on the same bed, drinking from the same flask, sharing a same bank account, co-owning a same real estate, and being parent to the same kids.
You just have to trust, all things being equal, and all things unequal.
TRUST AS EXPECTED
This is a very different type of trust that is nothing emotional about it at all. We cannot term it statutory trust because that term is "chopped" a SG lingo for reserved; yet it has all to do with the law, sometimes unwritten.
Some say trust is a human capacity to rely, to depend, purely emotional, happened only in the unconscious.
This is what I have discovered : Trust essentially means exposing ones vulnerability but not expecting it to be violated. How silly can this be? But we all do silly things sometimes don't we?... and people started asking : "Why you so emotional?"
THE INTRIGUING TRUST IN MARRIAGE
One day my mobile rang. "Hello!" , no reply but I heard the voice of my friend's wife shouting at him " I don't trust you. You lied to me". It's not right that I should listen on, but what I already heard had form a damaging impression. I am happy to say that the story didn't end with a divorce as years past, but it left me wondering what kept them together.
Most of the time the union of marriage can outlast the smothering flame of romance; maybe hoping for the flame to reignite, maybe for other practical reasons, or maybe for the sanctity of trust. Maybe God or religion have a part to play in this over a simple vow to stick together for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part. Whatever, marriage is never an eternal fairy tale for two persons. Facing up to many things couples thought were agreeable but only to realize that they are all negotiable and may take a lifetime to come to term.
Still trust must be at the centre of two persons who who sleep on the same bed, drinking from the same flask, sharing a same bank account, co-owning a same real estate, and being parent to the same kids.
You just have to trust, all things being equal, and all things unequal.
TRUST AS EXPECTED
This is a very different type of trust that is nothing emotional about it at all. We cannot term it statutory trust because that term is "chopped" a SG lingo for reserved; yet it has all to do with the law, sometimes unwritten.
School teachers were caught having carnal relationship with students under their care. Having sex with an underage person is committing statutory rape, punishable by law. When judgement is being read out, it will always accompanied by "you have betrayed the trust" placed upon you as a guardian or "have abused the trust" expected of one put in charge of young people.
The abuse of relationship between teacher and student, doctor and patient, parent and child, etc where one party becomes totally dependent of another as a result of that relationship; though with no specific citation in the law (I may be omissive), a universal moral interpretation generally applies.
However, the issue of trust, or specifically the breach of it only arises when a breach is committed. In most cases, the minor or subordinate party is non cognizant of the trust he or she is to submit to. At best the reliance is based on some published claim, someone's recommendation, or the reputation or an organization for which the dominant party is related to; all of which flimsy and seeking legal redress on these basis is almost futile.
A seventy year old doctor was recently convicted for the outraged of modesty on his female patient. Here again, time which is one of the best test for character may still fail. No fool proof test of character is available before one commits oneself to trust relationship in such cases. What would be the next best option, notwithstanding?
One is left to trust that there is sufficient will to prosecute and and bring matters to justice without fear nor favour. One is also left to trust the judiciary to deliver a fair judgement, not just for the victim but for the accused as well. Next we have to trust ourselves, to commit ourselves in building a society without pervasiveness. We know what is deemed good practices and we know what is bad.
The abuse of relationship between teacher and student, doctor and patient, parent and child, etc where one party becomes totally dependent of another as a result of that relationship; though with no specific citation in the law (I may be omissive), a universal moral interpretation generally applies.
However, the issue of trust, or specifically the breach of it only arises when a breach is committed. In most cases, the minor or subordinate party is non cognizant of the trust he or she is to submit to. At best the reliance is based on some published claim, someone's recommendation, or the reputation or an organization for which the dominant party is related to; all of which flimsy and seeking legal redress on these basis is almost futile.
A seventy year old doctor was recently convicted for the outraged of modesty on his female patient. Here again, time which is one of the best test for character may still fail. No fool proof test of character is available before one commits oneself to trust relationship in such cases. What would be the next best option, notwithstanding?
One is left to trust that there is sufficient will to prosecute and and bring matters to justice without fear nor favour. One is also left to trust the judiciary to deliver a fair judgement, not just for the victim but for the accused as well. Next we have to trust ourselves, to commit ourselves in building a society without pervasiveness. We know what is deemed good practices and we know what is bad.
TRUST BETWEEN ANIMALS & HUMANS
I have seen this video many times over, and it never fails to jerk the tears off my eyes.
I like to think that trust between animals and humans is the purest of all. It is unreserved, unprotected, and always condescending. Humans may be able to cope better with betrayal of trust, a betrayal of trust on the animal may completely changed its psycho-system.
Lost or abandoned, the dog had its belly all scarred. I spent more than a month walking the dog in the neighbourhood hoping that it will recognized its way back home, covering every block in the vicinity. When all methods of finding its owner failed, adoption becomes the only option. We named her Happy because she looked so sad when we found her.
As she got settled down, she developed certain habits, good habits but perhaps out of her changed in psycho-system. Even as the gate is wide open, she will not step out unless she is leashed. When all lights are off, she will inspect every corner of the house before coming to the upper bedroom. She becomes sad when there is a quarrel at home.
A neighbourhood cat named Rudolf will always keep a distance between us. You will have to leave the food there and move away before he can start eating. Any attempt to move nearer will see him leaving. This was normal till he disappeared for ten days. He came back skeleton thin, and struggling to move each step. For countless nights we have to patiently feed him with water mixed with vitamin B2 till he can feed on gradual harder food. It takes longer time to feed a sick animal than a normal one, and a lot more love and patience.
Rudolf is a changed cat since then. Though being the most feared cat in the neighbourhood, he behaves extremely well in our presence by not intimidating other cats. He sired many with another female cat Mini. Their offsprings were known generally as little Minis for the gray ones or little Rudolf for the patched ones. Some adopted, some lost, and some killed in accidents. The last of the offspring Ter (short for little Mini) stayed put to this day when both mother and son were sterilized. But for a cat as fearsome as Rudolf, Ter can do anything to him without retaliation, just because we told him that this is his son little Mini. Another cat Amelia we adopted had the same privilege treatment from Rudolf even as all the neighbourhood cats would disappear at the sight of Rudolf's tail sticking out of the drain. Rudolf spent his last night with us longer than usual. And as usual we will sing his favourite Christmas carol, a practice we have not changed for the last twelve years.
TRUST SIMPLY
Trust is a willingness not to doubt, and can be just a simple as one between man and animal. Why do animals believe without a doubt of what we say to them despite they having no lessons in our spoken language?
I have also seen how painful people can be when they cannot trust. They are always worrying, imagining themselves being betrayed and hurt. They don't trust their surroundings that they sometimes wake up in the middle of their sleep to check every window and door. Their lives become so meaningless when they have to doubt at every little thing, It has developed, perhaps from an unfortunate incidence into a serious medical condition. We sure need to learn how to trust these days.
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